First of all: Congratulations to you both on the birth of your daughter!
You two never cease to amaze!
Kim, you have stretched your fifteen minutes of fame into what feels like…oh, a thousand years.
Kanye, you have survived many changes and stayed in the public eye even after your music began to be eclipsed by your tweets about pillows.
But now you have collectively hit a wall. Where can you turn for another, bigger hit from the crackpipe of fame? Well, we here at Automatic Improv have a suggestion: Mars.
Have you heard about Inspiration Mars. This brainchild of billionaire space tourist Dennis Tito is looking for a couple to take advantage of a rare window of opportunity to perform a fly-by of the red planet in just 500 days.
Although the folks at IM say they are looking for a married couple. I think they could go for a high-flying, celebrity, semi-perm such as yourselves. And the addition of a baby should not be a disqualifying factor. How much does melba toast weigh, after all, amiright?
And believe us when we tell you that your absence from the scene will in no way diminish your centrality to our culture. Each evening we will talk about what nightclubs, concerts and sporting events you would have gone to; who you would have dissed and/or been dissed by; anxiously speculate about whether Kim is shedding that baby weight.
No, this brief separation is just the cooling off period our over-saturated entertainment media desperately needs so that we can fall in love again when you return to us.
And if, god forbid, you should not make it back to Earth, know that we will treasure you always. Our Stars among the stars. Godspeed.