7 Movies You Won’t See at the Oscars

By Kevin Barry

The Oscars are this weekend, and while the Academy has snubbed before, we were shocked to hear that some of our favorite films didn’t get a nod this year.

1. Wife of Pi

Wife-of-Pi-movie-poster

The inspiring story of a young boy who gets stranded on a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger, and then marries it. I guess Hollywood just isn’t ready interspecies romance.

2. Less Miserable

Les-Mis-Less-Miserable-Smile-Poster

If there’s one thing the Academy loves, it’s human suffering. Unfortunately for this film, the characters just keep getting less and less miserable as the story goes on. It probably has something to do with the fact that they’re always singing.

3. Stomach Linings Playbook

Stomach-Linings-Playbook-Poster

You’ll laugh; you’ll cry; you’ll get a little queasy. Experience the full gamut of human emotion in this edgy romantic dramedy. Never before has the topic of irritable bowel syndrome been handled with such whimsy. Alka Seltzior!

 4. Van Buren

Van-Buren-Lincoln-Movie-Poster

Lincoln wasn’t the only well-groomed president with a biopic out this year. “Van Buren” follows the wacky mishaps of our nation’s 8th president. Watch as ol’ Marty refuses to annex Texas after accidentally eating pot brownies!

5. Jango Unchained

Jango-Fett-Django-Unchained-Picture

The true tale of how Boba Fett’s dad went from vengeful slave to badass bounty hunter. He’s that one Mandalorian in 10,000. No wonder they cloned him so many times. George Lucas had to get one more Star Wars movie out there before handing the keys over to Disney.

6. Coke Zero Thirty

Coke-Zero-Dark-Thirty-Picture

The movie AdWeek called “a triumph of product placement.” A crack team of Navy SEALs uses a secret formula (one that delivers real Coke taste with zero calories) to stop the world’s most dangerous terrorist. Getting a bottle of Coke Zero into every shot of the movie wasn’t easy, but they pulled it off. And for that, I think they deserve some recognition.

7. Total Recall

Total-Recall-Colin-Farrell-Picture

Yeah, that movie just sucked.

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